Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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