I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
