how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize