i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
