I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
