would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
