she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
