I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
