I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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