is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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