i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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