you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
