I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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