so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't deserve a penis
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
