At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
