if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
