On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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