I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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