btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
