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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

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• (760): View more from California

  Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

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• (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

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• (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all

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• (916): View more from California

  you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot

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