she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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