now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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