you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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