I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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