I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
