I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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