The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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