Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
