OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize