Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The Olympian is in my bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize