now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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