Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
