i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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