Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
