yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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