SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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