those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
