some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
