Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
