Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
