sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
two words...techno handjob
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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