how can u be prego again
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
