but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So. Much. Porn.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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