i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
