woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My feet surprised me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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