lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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