Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
