After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
