i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
