Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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