Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
