Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
