if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
