i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
