....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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