I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
