I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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