Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
