If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
