new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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