My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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