Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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