You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
