Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
