I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
