That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
