this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
