walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
