She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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