weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
