Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
