That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
