So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
